Relationship Checkpoint: I Am The Mush.

So the question of the holiday is: When do you go from being a loving partner to a doormat? What kind of abuse (and how much?) can you take before you've had it up to here (motions palm to forehead). Let's back up a second, though, and clarify "abuse," because I'm not referring to the physical. Clearly, if you or your partner are engaging in physical abuse, I have no experience, or authority, on that matter (but please seek help immediately). I'm talking about feeling taken advantage of, being made to feel nonexistent, or being shown little appreciation by someone who you just can't get enough of.

After indulging in several conversations on multiple relationship issues all stemming from the same problem, I felt that a majority of readers could probably benefit from a blogger's post. 

Some of my girlfriends are less the "mushy" kind, as I like to call it. I believe that in every relationship, there is a "mushy" party, and a well, not-mushy party, for lack of a better term. But it works. If one person likes to step up and do the cute things, like taking their significant other on dates, treating them to impromptu spa days, or sending the occasional bouquet of flowers (gentlemen, take note), then the other party will naturally take a backseat in the cute department. That's not to say that they must take a backseat, it's to say that two people who are innately different mostly tend to find one another simply because what one lacks in oneself, they find in another human being. It just... happens.

But to the party who takes the backseat: 

It's important to understand what taking a backseat means. 

Girls - if you're the one taking the backseat, make sure he still feels like you care. The more he can sense your appreciation, the better he feels about himself. And it's cyclical. The better he feels about himself, the more he continues to treat you well. While I have a few girlfriends whose situations fit this bill, it's generally not the norm. The majority of couples I know all take the opposite stance. Because girls are typically the more emotional party, they're the over-do-ers. They're the "mushy" party, a party I can regrettably (?) say I've been in attendance more often than not.

Here is your checkpoint: Your relationship is balanced and healthy if and when you feel like all your work in your partnership is on-kilter. You and him (or you and her) will never be compatibly generous, BUT, always make sure that your gestures never go under appreciated. Success requires a happy balance. Do not allow yourself to become the doormat. What you do for your partner is not required, expected, and should certainly never be demanded, but always regarded, appreciated and apprised.