Really, this post should have been entitled: What to do when you find yourself a CREEPER, because that's really what I mean by a "number one fan." Of course, I'm just trying to keep my wits about me, and the content light, so that any mentioned "creepers" (or stalkers.. just throwing that out there) may subtly get the hint.
We've all had them. Well, maybe not, but certainly those of us who have been wrapped up in social networks like MySpace, Facebook, Friendster, and lately, Twitter, have experienced said "creeper" or two. And let's be honest - those of us who have fans have, in our past, put up the provocative picture or seven. But hello? We look good, right? And we want you (and everyone else) to soak up how good we look, too. Can you blame a girl? You can. Because now, ladies, look what we get stuck with: Some horn dog, who knows us through mutual "friends," sitting at his computer on a Saturday night rifling through our pictures.
I know, I know. You know, too. It just doesn't stop there... unfortunately.
Let me define these creepers, so you, my friends, can determine whether or not you have a new fan who is making himself nice and cozy (at least, for the meantime).
He (gentlemen, sorry, but I'm directing this post to the ladies) has started flirting with you through your preferred social network. The flirting started off innocent, but now, the fool thinks it's legit to comment on everything you have to say. Ugh. Eye roll. Whatever. We try our best to ignore him, and we move on. But alas, we can't.
He finds you on OTHER social networking sites, ones where you'd rather personally know your friends, know what I'm sayin'? Now, the "messages" start popping.
You're beautiful. What's your number? Where can I find you?
(Although, hello, you've found me everywhere possible except for where I'll be hiding out the next few months: In my bedroom, you creep)
The messages are getting intense, not to mention annoying. And, unlike other problems, the more you ignore these fools, the more frustrated they become that you refuse to respond.
(Have you ever noticed, too, that "fans" are the ugliest freakin' ones? Makes me want to scratch my head...... Anyway)
Here's how to get rid of them. Play the role that we all have inside of us -- the uber bitch. For some, this role comes easier, but remember: The easiest part about playing the bitch on the internet, friends, is that your "fan" doesn't personally know you. And your mutual "friends?" Probably don't know you either, if it helps you rest easier.
Make sure you tell the creepers that not only do you have a boyfriend, have AIDs, are really obese in person (thanks, photoshop), blah, blah, blah, but that you think he is DISGUSTING and to please find some other poor internet fiend to occupy his time with.
Trust.
Remember: You are not a celebrity. You do not need a fan club.
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