The Stage-5 Clinger.

Our generation favorite, Wedding Crashers, first introduced to us the concept of the Stage-5 Clinger and while looney sister, Gloria, portrayed an exaggerated version of the psychotic girlfriend, there are still those of us whose actions come pretty close. For those of you biting your nails, contemplating your level of clinginess to your significant other, here are a few clue-ins:

1. You must know the whereabouts of your boyfriend (girlfriend) at all times. If he strays from his original plan and you don't know about it, his ass is grass.

2. If you become overly upset at the thought of not being with him or in his presence roughly 50% of the time.

3. You make it your business to understand every and all aspects of his life: Who his friends are, what he loves doing, and most importantly, how you can enrich (not change) his routine simply with your presence.

4. His family members are on your speed-dial (you know, just in case of emergency...or not).

Okay -- so some of these, to many of us, are pretty obvious indicators of clinginess, but to those of you still biting your nails, wondering why these things are so terrible, this is for you:

Relationships require certain levels of communication, understanding, respect and trust, and when you become overly obsessive with your significant other's life, boundaries are crossed, space is invaded, and all of those crucial elements slowly disappear from your relationship. Let's break it down: Knowing every move your man makes (1) sabotages elements three and four (respect and trust). Nobody likes being kept tabs on (yup, learned that one myself) or being micromanaged because after all, it is not our job to report to our significant other. While it may make you feel more secure to know where he is and who he's with, it is ultimately taking a toll on his privacy (which he is allowed to have, ladies) and more subconsciously, his manhood. This brings me to the next point: Space. We all need it, and the less you give him, the more he wants it (2). If you are upset that he doesn't want to spend all of his time with you, you need to find some other friends or hobbies. Remember: distance makes the heart grow fonder. The trickiest clue-in that you are a Stage-5 Clinger, however, is your burning desire to want to involve yourself in every aspect of his life. We all have tendencies to want to get in good with his boys, because after all, if his friends like you, everything's just better, right? This one is half true. There is a fine line between maintaining friendly relations with his boys and weaving your way into the fabric of his longstanding friendships (3). His inability to separate you-time and guy-time will only strengthen and prove frustrating, not only for him, but ultimately, for you. And lastly, girls, for the ultimate Clingers out there, his parents' phone numbers should never, and I repeat never, be dialed by you unless their son has been physically hurt. They are not your shoulder to cry on, complain to, or report back to with every insignificant detail of his life or wrongdoing.

If these sound like a major part of your relationship, I'd work on making one of your New Year's Resolutions to step it down a notch. Or four.